There is always some alone-ness in my day to day. There are no TFA second years in my county. I can go the entire school day without seeing any of the other teachers at my school, let alone the other TFA teacher. I am the only person teaching social studies at my school and the only SS teacher I interact with on a daily or weekly basis (there is another down the street, but I very rarely see him). When I am together with TFA, I am one of two alternative-setting teachers. I am almost three hours from the TFA office, so it is only on a very scheduled basis that I interact with staff. I see or interact with mentors from the district (principals, DPI, curriculum specialists, etc.) less than once a week. This all adds up to feeling the lone soldier, or at least part of a very small army, much of the time. In the abstract I have no doubt that I am part of a larger TFA and educational movement. But I also have constant evidence of how the educational system has already passed over my kids, so while I am part of a district, I'm on the fringes of it.
And the thing is, I'm usually fine with this. Lone Ranger, stickin' it to the man as part of the minority... Not new. And I don't know if its because I haven't heard from my PD for weeks, or because I spent Thursday and Friday as the only (or one of two) teachers at school, without the kids, or the fact that the Superintendent didn't return my call like he said he would, but something is making me feel very much like an island right now.
I'm hoping this passes as we get further into second semester. If nothing else, my three preps should keep me busy enough that I won't have time to think about or dwell on any feelings of alone-ness. I just wish I knew why I feel so isolated RIGHT NOW. Wish my brain would figure out who it is I'm missing so that I can fill that gap and get refocused.
On a completely unrelated note, a small part of me is not looking forward to school tomorrow because I am a huge softie, and my kids know it. Especially H.
H, a middle schooler, is one of my buddies - those kids who spend their free time loitering in my classroom, asking random questions - sometimes academically focused, sometimes to solicit a particular response (their fave is hearing me say "homeboy"). He's a good student and is usually a better behaved kid. There have been times, though, that he gets in trouble. H HATES being in trouble. And he lets me know it. The last time he made it three steps down the consequence ladder - to silent lunch - he didn't speak to me (in or outside of class) for almost three weeks. I was crushed. It took all my resolve to not apologize to him for... following my own rules... or something... I knew I shouldn't feel guilty, but he was so hurt and put out. Or was, at least, putting on a very convincing show of it.
Today, during after school remediation, H earned himself silent lunch again. I can tell from the conversation we had when I informed him that he was indeed in that much trouble that I am in for it tomorrow. Silent treatment, here I come. I wonder how long it will last this time.
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